House Clearance - December 2024

So long childhood home and tearful dreams,

You leave me with saddened memories of a broken family

That often roared with anger and blasphemy.

I recall scarred bruises and a broken plate

Of unwanted dinner, carefully prepared:

Salad rice and peas, garnished with tuna, hard boiled eggs,

Tomatoes, olives, and capers.

Discarded across the tiled mosaic in a fit of rage.

And yet today, I sometimes prepare the same meal,

Reclaiming it from the floor.

So long childhood home and tearful dreams,

Always spoken to, shouted at, rarely listened.

A house that sometimes welcomed company—

And when it did, I trod on eggshells apprehensively,

My time stolen from what could have been carefree years.

Instead, I discovered loneliness without expression,

A solitary bedroom of boredom,

The radio playlist accompanying me

To the tunes of the Bay City Rollers and David Cassidy.

Their portraits pinned behind my bedroom door,

Joined by another favorite of mine—Poppy Love.

So long childhood home and tearful dreams,

At fourteen I kept a diary for some of the days

Long forgotten until

It was found during the clearance of the house

My writing restrained, a monotonous account

I can’t bear to read today.

Many of the memories are cast in the souvenirs collected over time

The antique furniture passed down from my mother’s family and paintings my father bought including the cuckoo clock that chimed the passing of time

and many books that have since gathered dust,

I took a few pieces willed to me but

declined others - what purpose would they serve but to remind of unhappier times?

So long childhood home and tearful dreams,

On Railway Road you still stand

Now empty and dusty, a distant memory from your past

I walk away from you,

Looking forward to the bulldozers arrival to erase you from my memory

The builders that will remove the bricks and mortar of my childhood past

And replace with hope and renewal of a future home that can rewrite another tale

In the meantime I have rewritten my own

With a caring adventure amongst my own family

And when cruel words speak to me again

As sometimes they surface striving to survive

I shall remind myself I am kinder and happier and stronger today than my yesterday.

So I shall bid you farewell once more and for the last time

I shall attempt to forgive your anger,

When you were not angry you nurtured and loved, for your misgivings I shall forgive.